36 years old; it ain’t the end, but it sure ain’t where I began…

I feel a tad bit rusty here, and I really should be utilizing Abby’s dwindling nap time to do some serious meal prep or yard work right now, but I wasn’t about to break my birthday post tradition.   They’ve really become one of my favorite time capsules here and I enjoy re-reading them each year as I reflect upon my year and think about the upcoming one.

Last year I had just finished my first Whole30 and felt amazing.  I focused on really trying to let myself Just Be me.  I think I did a pretty good job of that last year.  For the first time in my life it felt like my mind and body had been reset.  I felt energized, confident and happy.   I knew what foods to eat to make me feel my best both mentally and physically, and I could really tune in when things started to stray and when I needed to clean up my diet to get back to “normal.”  I still believe that Whole30 is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.

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That being said, a year later…I know I’ve strayed too far from what makes me feel my best.  The stress of moving and losing Summit led me back to some old habits and I started to notice Bianca creeping back in here and there.  So as I type this I’m on day 7 of a Whole14 to try and get back to that “good” place.

Yes that means no cake on my birthday.  No wine.  No chocolate.  No Big Dipper.

Gah.

But really, when I decided to do these 14 days and realized that my birthday would fall in the middle….I sat back and thought:  what better gift could I give myself?  The gift of getting back to the point where I know I’m at my best.  For me.  And my family.

Besides, I can honestly say that I enjoy a fresh mango almost as much as chocolate.  Almost.

This year it will have to do.

So as I think about the upcoming year, I’ve decided that I need to put a renewed focus on myself.  Not necessarily in the same way that I did last year, instead I want to focus on courage.  To talk more openly about my feelings.  To loosen up.  To let myself have more fun.  To give myself “permission” to make mistakes (with whatever it may be), and to have the courage to move forward the best way I know how.

It also means that I want to really start evaluating what makes me happy.  And to start to find the courage to pursue it.

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Life’s just too damn short.

I can’t help but think about my mom at these times.  She died when she was 37.  Thirty seven!  Insane.  I can’t imagine, I mean, I feel like there is so much left to do with my life and she never got that chance.  It really just helps me put things in perspective that you need to find your passion, your love, your purpose and follow it.  I’ve always struggled with figuring that and this is the year I want to focus on figuring it out and DOING IT.

To have courage.

To forgive my flaws.

To smile.

To laugh.

And to maybe whip up some coconut cream with that mango.

(hey, it’s compliant).

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Birthday girl who will probably regret posting this picture, but holla!  It’s my birthday.  You’re welcome.

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pssst….you can my previous birthday posts here:  32, 33, 34, 35.

 

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14 comments

  1. Courage is freeing. I’ve just recently started letting my insecurities go and let whatever happens happen. Its awesome (doesn’t meant that it always works out the way I plan, but it all works out in the end). I think you’ll love it. AND, the more you do it, the easier it gets. XOXO

  2. A very birthday to my big sister! You’ve always been someone I look up to and after reading your post it reminds me why I always have. you are such a beautiful person inside and out. Love you.

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