I’m 33 years old today; but that’s not what I would tell you if you asked. Our conversation would go something like this:
Friend: “How old will you be this year?”
Me: “32. No! Wait. 33? Crap, I don’t know. Husband, how old are you?”
Hubs: “I’m 34. You’re going to be 33.”
Me: “Oh yes. Right. I’m turning 33.”
I can’t seem to remember anything anymore, especially my age! Perhaps it’s because I can relate all-to-well to George Straight when he sings…”I still feel 25, most of the time…”
Except now I’m married.
And have a baby.
Last year I celebrated my birthday with a post that revealed 32 juicy facts about me. I’m not really up to the task of coming up with 33 new random facts…so instead I thought I’d put together just a few thoughts I have about this upcomming year. How about six? (3+3=6).
1. 33 will undoubtedly be the hardest year of my adult life. I know this already because I’ve spent the last 10 weeks with a little taster of what’s in store for me.
2. 33 will also undoubtedly be the most rewarding year of my adult life. As hard as it’s going to be, I believe that it’s the most important job I’ll ever do. It’s hard to articulate or describe the intense love you have for your child. It’s different than the love you have for your husband, family or dog (hey, I really love my dog!). And I’ll be the first to admit that when other parents told me this before I had Abby, I kinda thought, “well yeah, they’re your kid. Obviously you love them.”
Now I understand. Being a mom is the most amazing feeling in the world. It’s a fierce love. And in some ways I feel a bit bittersweet experiencing all of this, because now I truly understand what my mom must have felt for me. And it’s so special. It’s really formed a new connection to me and my mother, even though she’s been gone nearly 25 years.
I feel so lucky to have this time with Abby.
want need to make sure I don’t lose myself in all of the changes happening in our lives. I still want to be me. I want to go on adventures with my husband, train for races, make our house a home, experiment with cooking and baking, spend time one-on-one with my husband, and blog! It will be hard. And I’ve already caught myself “not” doing something because I’m tired or because I don’t want to leave the baby. I want to make a conscious effort to retain a bit of me through all of this. Because it’s so easy to just give all of yourself to someone (or multiple people). I’ve always done this to some degree, but with a baby it’s so much easier to put yourself last. I’ve struggled with depression in the past and I know this will be a ticket right back to it if I don’t take care of me first.
It’s easier said than done, but it’s something I feel strongly about and will work towards.
4. I want to create an environment where Abby can learn and explore her passions. Of course we’ll be toting her around with us camping, skiing, rafting, hiking and everywhere else; and we hope that she learns to appreciate them all….I still want to make sure she does what makes her happy in life. I realize we are a ways off from this, but I want to remind myself everyday that my job is to guide her and make sure she has all of the right tools in her toolbox. Not to force her into our type of lifestyle or beliefs.
For example. Ya’ll know I hate birds. But I promise to let Abby form her own opinion on them. So long as she doesn’t want a pet parrot or something stupid.
5. Speaking of passions…I want to explore my own. Lately I’ve been feeling a little lost…as if I don’t really know what I’m passionate about anymore. I look at my husband and he is passionate about so many things…especially hunting. Many times I’m envious of that passion because I don’t feel strongly about anything like the way he feels about that.
Maybe that’s ok. But again, I want to explore and solidify how I want to spend my time and what I want out of life.
6. I want to slow down. It’s not important that the house is perfect, the dishes are washed and the bed is made. Yes, I like those things done. But it’s not worth stressing myself out over to make it happen. I want to refocus on what’s really important: Friends. Relationships. Family. Memories.
To do this, I’m going to stop reading some of my favorite DIY blogs on a daily basis, like Young House Love and Centsational Girl. I love, love, love watching them transform and decorate their houses. But it’s a double-edged sword because while reading them is inspiring and encouraging…sometimes they make me feel inadequate. And it’s certainly not the bloggers intent. It’s just me. Well, it’s just me and apparently a few other people…here’s one of my favorite posts over at Jones Design Company. What she writes in this post is a perfect reflection of how I feel.
So, for now…I just need to slow down and focus on the present. The things I do have instead of the things I wish I had. This doesn’t mean I won’t work on our house or start a few projects (I am still dreaming of a patio in the back). It just means they will happen on my own time, with my own vision. Not because I’m feeling insecure about my reality when I read about someone elses.
Hopefully I can get back to reading these blogs regularly someday. But for now, I need a break.
So there you have it. A little bit more serious than last years post I suppose, but me all the same. I hope that I look back at this list often within the next year to make sure I’m staying on track.
Isn’t it amazing what a difference a year can make? Last year at this time I was just about to get pregnant. This year I’m cuddling up to my little baby.
It kinda makes me wonder what I’ll be writing about one year from now…
Wait. What’s that you say? You want just one juicy random fact about me?
This is something I’ve only told a handful of people…and once you know I think you’ll understand why. I love Court TV.
Gah! There. I said it. You know, like Divorce Court, the People’s Court, Judge Mathis, Judge Alex?! Yeah. Any of them will do. I’m not exactly sure why I like to watch it…maybe it’s the drama or how ridiculous it is. But it cracks me up! I mean, on one episode, a dude was suing another dude over a game of Cornhole. Ha! Who does that?!
So yeah. It’s realllllly hard, but I do not let myself watch any CourtTV while I’m home now. I know, I’m so composed.
And there ya go. I hope you’re happy!
p.s. Once again I’ve borrowed the title of this post from a lyric in one of my favorite Jewel songs: Stephenville, TX.