I know I’ve been MIA lately. And I’ve probably fooled several of you into thinking I’ve gone and had that baby already.
Because I’m supposed to be done by now.
But here I sit.
If you’re wondering what I’m up to, all you need to do is re-read my last post from seven days ago. It’s all still true.
Funny how that title just keeps haunting me, isn’t it?!
It’s also funny how you always think of pregnancy as being such a physical thing: giant boobs, a giant belly, incessant itching, excess hair, awesome bloating, multiple chins…you know, all that glamorous stuff. But in reality, the real challenge (at least for me) has been the mental side of things. The hormones that make me feel like a crazy person; never knowing what feelings are “real” and what have been influenced by estrogen. Making decisions (about cribs, monitors, car seats, diapers, nursing, pumping, working, daycares) without really knowing what our baby will like (and not like), or how I’m going to feel “afterwards.” Trying to imagine all of the ways our lives are going to change and how to deal with it. Wondering and worrying that everything is ok with the baby I’m growing inside of me. Wondering how this baby will change our marriage and how to work through it.
And now, this last mental hurdle: the waiting.
Honestly, this wasn’t even something on my radar. I have been completely blindsided by how freaking hard the waiting and anticipation would be at the end. I’m kind of a rollercoaster of emotions these days: strong and confident one minute, knowing I can handle whatever comes….then like a scared little puppy the next wondering if everything is ok in there and just praying that she comes soon. And dude, how much is this going to hurt? haha. I mean, I know I’m ready…but it’s still “the unknown” and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t worry about the whole process from time-to-time.
And yes, I know there is an end in sight. I know I will meet this little one within the next few days. But for some reason that doesn’t make it any easier.
I can handle the uncomfortableness. I can handle the chins. I can handle all of the physical aspects of pregnancy that have been thrown my way. I just can’t handle the wondering and the worrying.
And I really can’t handle my water breaking at work…so if you could help your momma out and do that at home, that’d be great Baby T.
So yeah. I guess since I don’t know much of anything at this point (turns out having babies is not condusive to being a planner), all I can do is focus on what I do know.
This is what I know:
– January 13 (the O’Connell sister curse date of having your first baby two weeks early, at 4 a.m. via cessarean) has come and gone.
– January 22 (my due date based on my menstrual cycle) has come and gone.
– January 27 (my “official” due date based on Baby T’s measurements) has come and gone.
– Sayonara January. You are no longer Baby T’s birth month. We’re into February. So without a doubt, Baby T will an Aquarius. Which kind of makes me laugh because I always burst into song when I hear that word. Don’t even pretend, you know what I’m talking about: “this is the dawning of the age of Aquarious….age of Aquariouuuuuuuss…..Aquar…i….ous…..” You know this to be true, sisters.
– I had my last Dr.’s appointment this week. She scheduled an induction for Monday, February 6th.
– I am expecting all of you to pray to the baby Gods that Baby T decides to come on her own before then. Not that there’s anything terribly wrong with induction, but it was one of the things I had hoped to avoid. However, after conversations with my Dr. and the Hubs, we have all agreed that at 41 weeks, 3 days (on Monday), a little help might be in order.
– None of the theories for naturally inducing labor have worked for me yet (although I refuse to drink castor oil!). I ate food so spicy last night that I was sweating. Obviously it didn’t work, but perhaps the leftovers I brought for lunch will. Cross your fingers!
So there you have it.
That’s all I know.
January has come and gone, and we are looking forward to meeting our little Aquarius.
February it is, folks. Who woulda thunk it?
And I’ll leave you with this: a picture at 40 weeks, 4 days (taken yesterday). I was pretty proud of myself for wearing heels. Those of you who are my friend on face.book have already had the pleasure of viewing it….but I see no reason to deprive my blogging friends of it as well.
Sorry about the grainy photo…it was taken with my phone obviously.
Notice the strategically-placed phone so my chins can’t be counted.
And yes, my feet hurt at the end of the day. But it was worth it.