33 years old; it ain’t the end. but it sure ain’t where I began…

I’m 33 years old today; but that’s not what I would tell you if you asked. Our conversation would go something like this:

Friend: “How old will you be this year?”

Me: “32. No! Wait. 33? Crap, I don’t know. Husband, how old are you?”

Hubs: “I’m 34. You’re going to be 33.”

Me: “Oh yes. Right. I’m turning 33.”

I can’t seem to remember anything anymore, especially my age! Perhaps it’s because I can relate all-to-well to George Straight when he sings…”I still feel 25, most of the time…”

Except now I’m married.

And have a baby.

Weird.

Last year I celebrated my birthday with a post that revealed 32 juicy facts about me. I’m not really up to the task of coming up with 33 new random facts…so instead I thought I’d put together just a few thoughts I have about this upcomming year. How about six? (3+3=6).

Genious.

1. 33 will undoubtedly be the hardest year of my adult life. I know this already because I’ve spent the last 10 weeks with a little taster of what’s in store for me.

IMG_0557-001

2. 33 will also undoubtedly be the most rewarding year of my adult life. As hard as it’s going to be, I believe that it’s the most important job I’ll ever do. It’s hard to articulate or describe the intense love you have for your child. It’s different than the love you have for your husband, family or dog (hey, I really love my dog!).  And I’ll be the first to admit that when other parents told me this before I had Abby, I kinda thought, “well yeah, they’re your kid. Obviously you love them.”

No.

Now I understand. Being a mom is the most amazing feeling in the world.   It’s a fierce  love.  And in some ways I feel a bit bittersweet experiencing all of this, because now I truly understand what my mom must have felt for me. And it’s so special. It’s really formed a new connection to me and my mother, even though she’s been gone nearly 25 years.

I feel so lucky to have this time with Abby.

IMG_1159

3. I want need to make sure I don’t lose myself  in all of the changes happening in our lives. I still want to be me. I want to go on adventures with my husband, train for races, make our house a home, experiment with cooking and baking, spend time one-on-one with my husband, and blog! It will be hard. And I’ve already caught myself “not” doing something because I’m tired or because I don’t want to leave the baby. I want to make a conscious effort to retain a bit of me through all of this. Because it’s so easy to just give all of yourself to someone (or multiple people). I’ve always done this to some degree, but with a baby it’s so much easier to put yourself last. I’ve struggled with depression in the past and I know this will be a ticket right back to it if I don’t take care of me first.

It’s easier said than done, but it’s something I feel strongly about and will work towards.

IMG_1161

4.  I want to create an environment where Abby can learn and explore her passions.   Of course we’ll be toting her around with us camping, skiing, rafting, hiking and everywhere else; and we hope that she learns to appreciate them all….I still want to make sure she does what makes her happy in life.   I realize we are a ways off from this, but I want to remind myself everyday that my job is to guide her and make sure she has all of the right tools in her toolbox.   Not to force her into our type of lifestyle or beliefs.

For example.  Ya’ll know I hate birds. But I promise to let Abby form her own opinion on them. So long as she doesn’t want a pet parrot or something stupid.

5.   Speaking of passions…I want to explore my own.  Lately I’ve been feeling a little lost…as if I don’t really know what I’m passionate about anymore.   I look at my husband and he is passionate about so many things…especially hunting.  Many times I’m envious of that passion because I don’t feel strongly about anything like the way he feels about that. 

Maybe that’s ok.  But again, I want to explore and solidify how I want to spend my time and what I want out of life. 

via

6.  I want to slow down.  It’s not important that the house is perfect, the dishes are washed and the bed is made.  Yes, I like those things done.  But it’s not worth stressing myself out over to make it happen.  I want to refocus on what’s really important:  Friends.  Relationships.  Family.  Memories.   

To do this, I’m going to stop reading some of my favorite DIY blogs on a daily basis, like Young House Love and Centsational Girl.  I love, love, love watching them transform and decorate their houses.  But it’s a double-edged sword because while reading them is inspiring and encouraging…sometimes they make me feel inadequate.  And it’s certainly not the bloggers intent.  It’s just me.   Well, it’s just me and apparently a few other people…here’s one of my favorite posts over at Jones Design Company.  What she writes in this post is a perfect reflection of how I feel. 

So, for now…I just need to slow down and focus on the present.  The things I do have instead of the things I wish I had.  This doesn’t mean I won’t work on our house or start a few projects (I am still dreaming of a patio in the back).  It just means they will happen on my own time, with my own vision.  Not because I’m feeling insecure about my reality when I read about someone elses.   

Hopefully I can get back to reading these blogs regularly someday.  But for now, I need a break.

via

So there you have it.  A little bit more serious than last years post I suppose, but me all the same.   I hope that I look back at this list often within the next year to make sure I’m staying on track.  

Isn’t it amazing what a difference a year can make?  Last year at this time I was just about to get pregnant.   This year I’m cuddling up to my little baby.

It kinda makes me wonder what I’ll be writing about one year from now…

Wait.   What’s that you say?  You want just one juicy random fact about me? 

Gosh. 

Well ok.

This is something I’ve only told a handful of people…and once you know I think you’ll understand why.   I love Court TV. 

Gah!  There.  I said it.  You know, like Divorce Court, the People’s Court, Judge Mathis, Judge Alex?!  Yeah.  Any of them will do.   I’m not exactly sure why I like to watch it…maybe it’s the drama or how ridiculous it is.   But it cracks me up!  I mean, on one episode, a dude was suing another dude over a game of Cornhole.  Ha!  Who does that?! 

So yeah.  It’s realllllly hard, but I do not let myself watch any CourtTV while I’m home now.  I know, I’m so composed. 

And there ya go.  I hope you’re happy!

 

p.s.  Once again I’ve borrowed the title of this post from a lyric in one of my favorite Jewel songs: Stephenville, TX.

12 comments

  1. Great post! Being a Mom is wonderful in so many ways. Very Very hard when you stop and think about all that goes into the daily care for a baby, and all you give up, but yet so easy to do… does that make sense ha ha. It’s just comes natural to put your child first is what I mean :)
    One thing my Mom told me is “Though you may not get anything done the whole day, and the house it a pig sty… if your child is happy and healthy you have done your job.” You will find you have many-a-days like that lol but that’s okay we all do! :)
    God Bless you and your little one!

    1. Thank you for your comment! I love the advice from your Mom. In reality…that’s really all that ever matters, right? Does it also count if I’m still wearing the same spit-up covered zip up hoodie as yesterday? Eek. Yeah that might be pushing it… :)

  2. I can relate to so many of the things you wrote about! Each week, I feel like it’s a full out sprint towards the weekend — and there is never enough time during the week to do everything I need/want to do! Life seems to be moving at lightening speed and I haven’t quite figured out how to slow it down. I think minimizing time looking at blogs, facebook and pinterest would help me, as you suggested – it’s hard to look at other people’s seemingly perfect lives (even though you know in your head, their life is just as far from perfect as yours is). Just look at that perfect baby girl asleep in your arms and try always to remember those moments when you start to be too hard on yourself. :) So happy to see posts from you!

    1. Ah yes…Pinterest. That evil time-suck. I should have mentioned it as well! Although for some reason it’s not as bad for me because I tend to Pin things and then just forget about it. ha!

  3. seriously loved your blog miss you tons! but on the serious side…….cornhole is a serious game I can totally see that happening! Third annual tournament coming up!

  4. You are so wise and articulate regarding your thoughts. I have to admit I’m slightly envious of your clarity, it seems as though I have similar thoughts running through my head but can’t seem to clarify them quite as well.
    I think the passions will probably come back to you with time. When you have a baby and that bond is so strong and consuming, your child becomes one of your passions that overwhelms the rest. It is an ongoing process to refine your priorities and how you spend your time so that you are nurturing your child and still nurturing yourself. I’m sorry that I don’t have any words of wisdom to share on this, but I know if you’re already thinking about it you are on the right track.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they are inspiring!

    1. That may be the first time anyone has called me “wise.” I’m not sure how true it is, but I’ll take it!

      Thank you for your insight. I never thought about the possibility of being passionate about “being a mom,” but what you’re saying is right on track. It’s hard to take time for yourself when that bond is so strong. Or because you could literally just sit and stare at them all day…

  5. great post, i feel so similar and am turning 29 today, my last good birthday i keep saying! i totally relate to the part about making sure to still do things you loved before becoming a mom! my husband and i went to dinner last night, our first outing without the little man and it was weird….. to the point that i could see myself making excuses not to leave him again. but we have to, in order to stay sane, and in order to still be a wife and friend and daughter to those we loved long before having a kiddo! hope your birthday was wonderful!

    1. It’s so much easier said than done…but you’re right, we need to make sure it happens! Happy Birthday to you…and don’t worry, 29 won’t be the last good one! Ha.

Leave a Comment!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s